Asking someone for help or accepting help when it is offered is not always easy. Especially if you are an individual with a disability who is trying to become independent for the first time. You are trying to prove to yourself and to others that you have the ability to be independent. It is important to understand that you are not alone. Everyone needs help at sometime in their life whether they are an individual with a disability or not.
As an individual with spina bifida I have always had a hard time with this. I guess I had the idea that I wasn't independent unless I did everything on my own without help. If family offered help I was often too quick to reject the help. I couldn't have been more wrong! It is very important to understand that a very big part of independent living is knowing how and when to ask for and accept help. Even after being on my own for almost 20 years, it still isn't always easy for me to ask for help, but I am much better than I used to be. Through my adulthood. I have not only learned how to figure out if and when I need assistance but also learned how to ask for or accept the help so I can continue living on my own.
Unfortunately sometimes I learned the hard way. There have been times that I didn't ask for help I needed or accept help being offered and because of that I ended up having problems. I moved into the college dorms right after high school and like many 18 year old men and women that is when I got my first taste of independence. Being away from my parents and not having them around to tell me what to do. That freshman year was an eye opener. Everyone (including me) started to notice that in order for me to keep my independence there would be times I would need assistance. Of course even though I may have noticed that myself, doesn't mean I asked for it or accepted it when offered!
In 2001 I moved away from family for my first real full time job as a social worker. At first it was great. I was keeping my place clean and I was taking care of my personal needs. As time went on my responsibilities at work increased. It was common for me to work 10 to 12 hours a day or over 60 hours in a week. With that came increased stress. When that happened it affected some of my decision making and eventually it affected my health. When family asked how I was doing my response was always "fine" or "pretty good" not realizing that I really should have asked for help. Again even at times like this accepting help is not easy for me. I lost track of priorities and which should come first in my life which is me. This resulted in me getting very sick and leaving that job as well as some very close friends. I moved back in with my parents in order to receive the proper medical care. In other words decreased my independence which could have been prevented. Looking back now I should have slowed down with work and focused more on myself and my own needs.
Before I moved into my current apartment, I made sure that I was ready. I didn't want to repeat things that happened in the past. I needed to have everything set in place including a support network. I told myself that it is ok to ask them for help or accept it. I knew I may need assistance with certain things like general cleaning or organization to prevent health problems or maybe just someone close as a support. I still have a very busy schedule so it is easy to loose track of things. At times that I am either stressed from work or showing signs of getting sick, someone close can remind me to do things to prevent health problems. For me this is especially true if I am starting to get sick and don't realize it.
It is important for everyone to understand that we depend on ourselves more than anyone! We know ourselves better than anyone else. Having the ability and strength to ask for and accept help when needed came with time for me. It showed me that I am strong and able to live independent even when things are not going the way I want.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Dave Carl - Volunteer and Communicator
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| Dave Carl-Motivational Speaker, Author and Social Worker |
Here is a photo of Dave at the Walk N Roll for Spina Bifida last April 30th at Capital Lake in Olympia, WA. He helped to coordinate and work out logistics for the one mile wrap up of the annual fundraiser benefiting the Washington State Spina Bifida Association.
Dave's example of good communication and willingness to work within and for the community at large is something worth noting.
Spina Bifida Association of Washington State
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
ACCESSING COMMUNITY RESOURCES
Community resources have always been a very important part of my life. When I was working towards my independence, and now as a person who is living independent it has always been important to know what is available. There have been several times throughout my life that my family and I would be working on things such as health related issues, education, finances, etc. that required resources to help me (us) get through. The question is where are they and how do I contact them. As you know, it isn‘t always easy. If you don’t know where to start with your specific issue then who do you go to for ideas (in other words I needed a resource just to help locate resources!) I have learned through experience both personal as well as professional how to access resources needed. One of my first jobs was working as an Information and Referral Coordinator for a non profit agency. Not only did I need to know what services and resources were available but I needed to know how to locate resources that were not very easy to find.
First, what I usually do is try the phonebook. Many times that may either seem too obvious to people and therefore they don’t look there or they’ve opened up the phonebook and don’t know where to start. I have even worked with highly educated people (dr.‘s etc.) and they have this same issue. For me personally one example is in order for me to stay independent, I need someone to assist me with things around my apartment such as cleaning. If I don’t then it get very disorganized and this CAN and HAS in the past had a big effect on my health. I could look under “housekeepers” or “housecleaners” in the phonebook but they are often times very expensive so I needed to think of something else. When I was in Michigan I went through a local health/private duty agency which provided nursing as well as house cleaning. The way I located them is I thought of a simple word like “health” (as I mentioned it can affect my health) and then after checking the phonebook one thing lead to another until I found what I needed. If you can’t locate the specific thing you are looking for then I would suggest thing of words that have to do with it and try those words.
If you are having a difficult time with paying for rent, then you may not be able to just look under “rental Assistance” or “financial Assistance” in the phonebook. So what do you do? Try places like “non profits“, or “social services”. Even if they are not the specific places that will be able to assist you, often times they will be able to give you some good leads. Many of them answer questions like this daily or know of the appropriate agencies in the community.
Another resource would be a local or state support groups either for your specific disability or something similar to it. Often times support groups not only there to help during difficult times but it is likely that a member of the group has gone through similar issues and has suggestions. CIL'S (Center for Independent Living). The purpose of a CIL is to assist people with becoming and/or staying independent. If you contact the CIL they not only have information on resources but can assist with contacting them. To contact the CIL in your sate you can go online and type in “your state and Centers for independent living” for example “Washington State Centers for Independent Living” and it will take you to the different CIL’s for your state. Another thing to do online is go to the ILRU (Independent Living Research Utilization) website which is http://www.ilru.org/ and then click on ILRU Directory of CIL's/SILC's.
These are just a couple of examples. If you are too embarrassed or want to be cautious about leaving your name then you need to understand that you don’t need to. Many places will ask for it but all you have to do is say that you would prefer not to give any personal information out. That is fine unless you are looking for information to be mailed or emailed or if they need to call you back.
Resources may be even closer than what I have mentioned. One major resource in my life is my family! It hasn't always been easy for me to ask for help, but that is just because I am stubborn! of course that is definitely the one resource that I can trust the most! What are some resources that are in your area?
First, what I usually do is try the phonebook. Many times that may either seem too obvious to people and therefore they don’t look there or they’ve opened up the phonebook and don’t know where to start. I have even worked with highly educated people (dr.‘s etc.) and they have this same issue. For me personally one example is in order for me to stay independent, I need someone to assist me with things around my apartment such as cleaning. If I don’t then it get very disorganized and this CAN and HAS in the past had a big effect on my health. I could look under “housekeepers” or “housecleaners” in the phonebook but they are often times very expensive so I needed to think of something else. When I was in Michigan I went through a local health/private duty agency which provided nursing as well as house cleaning. The way I located them is I thought of a simple word like “health” (as I mentioned it can affect my health) and then after checking the phonebook one thing lead to another until I found what I needed. If you can’t locate the specific thing you are looking for then I would suggest thing of words that have to do with it and try those words.
If you are having a difficult time with paying for rent, then you may not be able to just look under “rental Assistance” or “financial Assistance” in the phonebook. So what do you do? Try places like “non profits“, or “social services”. Even if they are not the specific places that will be able to assist you, often times they will be able to give you some good leads. Many of them answer questions like this daily or know of the appropriate agencies in the community.
Another resource would be a local or state support groups either for your specific disability or something similar to it. Often times support groups not only there to help during difficult times but it is likely that a member of the group has gone through similar issues and has suggestions. CIL'S (Center for Independent Living). The purpose of a CIL is to assist people with becoming and/or staying independent. If you contact the CIL they not only have information on resources but can assist with contacting them. To contact the CIL in your sate you can go online and type in “your state and Centers for independent living” for example “Washington State Centers for Independent Living” and it will take you to the different CIL’s for your state. Another thing to do online is go to the ILRU (Independent Living Research Utilization) website which is http://www.ilru.org/ and then click on ILRU Directory of CIL's/SILC's.
These are just a couple of examples. If you are too embarrassed or want to be cautious about leaving your name then you need to understand that you don’t need to. Many places will ask for it but all you have to do is say that you would prefer not to give any personal information out. That is fine unless you are looking for information to be mailed or emailed or if they need to call you back.
Resources may be even closer than what I have mentioned. One major resource in my life is my family! It hasn't always been easy for me to ask for help, but that is just because I am stubborn! of course that is definitely the one resource that I can trust the most! What are some resources that are in your area?
Monday, September 13, 2010
Becoming and Staying Active
A very important part of independent living during a person's life is becoming and staying active. First of all what do you find interesting? Do you like to draw, play sports, use computers etc.? When I am not sick in bed I enjoy playing wheelchair sports. Wheelchair football, wheelchair basketball, wheelchair racing, tennis and kayaking are just some of the adaptive sports I have enjoyed. Ever since I was in middle school, I have tried to play something. Starting in eighth grade I played wheelchair football. It may sound rough but it wasn't bad. Our team would get together and play against local groups who did not necessarily use wheelchairs, but they did during the game. During the game I sure had fun watching people who were not used to being in wheelchairs try to play football in one. I also did wheelchair racing in my late teens and early twenties with the New York State Games for the Physically Challenged. At that time I joined the track team for my high school. I wasn't able to actually compete in the school track meets l but by being on the team I was able to train with them for when I competed in the state games. Today I still enjoy sports which include wheelchair basketball with a local team here in Washington State, playing tennis and Kayaking.
Of course my activities weren't always sports. In high school I was involved in the school musicals.
If you are not interested in or are unable to do sports, what about arts and crafts? Are you interested in drawing or writing? If you are then contact your local Community Center for possible classes. I know this may seem strange but maybe you should try it even if you don't think you are very good at it. In an earlier post I mentioned that I wrote a book. I didn't start writing because I loved it or because I thought I was good. I just started doing it one day because I was bored in bed.
I also like to either be on committees or just attend committee meetings. Every community is full of committees. I have been involved in different committees for years. Anything from simple support groups which only have a hand full of members, to committees that are run by the city. Even if you are unable to be on committees because health issues are so unpredictable, try going to the committee meetings when you can as part of the public. At least then you have a voice, and you know what is going on in your area.
Another activity I love doing and am a very big supporter of is volunteering. Ever since I graduated from high school, I have been interested in some type of volunteering. Anything from coordinating homeless outreach projects, to public speaking to teaching independent living skills to individuals with disabilities. Even at times I am unable to work a paying job, this is one way I can contribute. What about talking to people you know personally? Maybe they know someone who needs tutoring or just someone to hangout with and be a mentor after school while parents are working. If you don't like spending time with people then what about writing articles for newsletters? Those are a couple of volunteer activities you can do if you are in bed for some medical issue.So how do you find places to volunteer? One place to start is your local Volunteer Center. I know that the area I live in right now has a center. But if you don't have one or can't find one in your area then try to find an agency that provides services you are interested in or who serves the population you would like to help.
So, What's in your area? How did you find these activities? What can you share on here that you think others would find helpful or interesting?
Of course my activities weren't always sports. In high school I was involved in the school musicals.
If you are not interested in or are unable to do sports, what about arts and crafts? Are you interested in drawing or writing? If you are then contact your local Community Center for possible classes. I know this may seem strange but maybe you should try it even if you don't think you are very good at it. In an earlier post I mentioned that I wrote a book. I didn't start writing because I loved it or because I thought I was good. I just started doing it one day because I was bored in bed.
I also like to either be on committees or just attend committee meetings. Every community is full of committees. I have been involved in different committees for years. Anything from simple support groups which only have a hand full of members, to committees that are run by the city. Even if you are unable to be on committees because health issues are so unpredictable, try going to the committee meetings when you can as part of the public. At least then you have a voice, and you know what is going on in your area.
Another activity I love doing and am a very big supporter of is volunteering. Ever since I graduated from high school, I have been interested in some type of volunteering. Anything from coordinating homeless outreach projects, to public speaking to teaching independent living skills to individuals with disabilities. Even at times I am unable to work a paying job, this is one way I can contribute. What about talking to people you know personally? Maybe they know someone who needs tutoring or just someone to hangout with and be a mentor after school while parents are working. If you don't like spending time with people then what about writing articles for newsletters? Those are a couple of volunteer activities you can do if you are in bed for some medical issue.So how do you find places to volunteer? One place to start is your local Volunteer Center. I know that the area I live in right now has a center. But if you don't have one or can't find one in your area then try to find an agency that provides services you are interested in or who serves the population you would like to help.
So, What's in your area? How did you find these activities? What can you share on here that you think others would find helpful or interesting?
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
learning independent living
My name is Dave Carl. I am a social worker living in Washington State. I was born with spina bifida and use a wheelchair full time. As a social worker my focus is teaching independent living to individuals with disabilities of all ages. I see independent living as something that is different for everyone. It doesn't just mean living on your own in an apartment with a full time job. It is a life long process. When a child is very young they learn very basic daily living skills, as well as communication and socialization. These skills are very important for future independence for a person. Through my career I have heard many people say that they can't become independent because they have to live in a group home or have to have a 24 hour personal care assistant. I tell them of course they can! They can still make personal decisions (what to do, where to go, how to spend money etc.). I have several friends who need total 24 hour care. I see them as role models. Despite having physical obstacles, they are are just as independent as anyone else.
I have faced obstacles throughout my life as I tried to become independent. Anything from countless medical issues to education issues and even things as simple as getting around. As a child I always had my parents or siblings around. If I got stuck in the snow then someone was there to help or if I needed a ride somewhere then someone was there with a car. As soon as I graduated from high school and went to college it all changed. I didn't always have family around to help. So how did I overcome this? I learned how to use public transportation, and I learned how to ask others for help if I got stuck in the snow. This is just one small obstacle I have faced. A much larger obstacle I have faced, and still face today at times, is just coping with frustrations. With all of my medical issues, and with my life being so unpredictable in general, life can get frustrating. Several years ago I started writing stories. Nothing too big, just what ever came to mind while I was laying in bed. Eventually writing became more of a hobby. I started writing stories while I sat outside during my lunch break or after work. Earlier this year I had a children's adventure book published that I wrote called "Super Cyclist". It is about an individual who has always used a wheelchair. He follows his dreams of fighting crime by becoming a super hero who uses a handcycle to protect people. As a social worker I am using the book to teach self confidence with the idea that just because someone says you can't do something doesn't mean that it is true, you need to follow your dreams. I believe that self confidence is another very important part of future independent living. Even though it is a little children's book, it took me a long time to finish with all of the obstacles I faced on the way. I have a website for the book: http://www.supercyclist.com/ which describes the book and why I wrote it.
This blog is a way for people to share independent living stories. Let people know what you do. What kinds of obstacles have you (or a family memeber who has a disability) faced when trying to become independent? What did you do to overcome them? Also, what obstacles are you currently trying to overcome? Feel free to ask questions to help gain the skills to overcome obstacles towards independence.
I have faced obstacles throughout my life as I tried to become independent. Anything from countless medical issues to education issues and even things as simple as getting around. As a child I always had my parents or siblings around. If I got stuck in the snow then someone was there to help or if I needed a ride somewhere then someone was there with a car. As soon as I graduated from high school and went to college it all changed. I didn't always have family around to help. So how did I overcome this? I learned how to use public transportation, and I learned how to ask others for help if I got stuck in the snow. This is just one small obstacle I have faced. A much larger obstacle I have faced, and still face today at times, is just coping with frustrations. With all of my medical issues, and with my life being so unpredictable in general, life can get frustrating. Several years ago I started writing stories. Nothing too big, just what ever came to mind while I was laying in bed. Eventually writing became more of a hobby. I started writing stories while I sat outside during my lunch break or after work. Earlier this year I had a children's adventure book published that I wrote called "Super Cyclist". It is about an individual who has always used a wheelchair. He follows his dreams of fighting crime by becoming a super hero who uses a handcycle to protect people. As a social worker I am using the book to teach self confidence with the idea that just because someone says you can't do something doesn't mean that it is true, you need to follow your dreams. I believe that self confidence is another very important part of future independent living. Even though it is a little children's book, it took me a long time to finish with all of the obstacles I faced on the way. I have a website for the book: http://www.supercyclist.com/ which describes the book and why I wrote it.
This blog is a way for people to share independent living stories. Let people know what you do. What kinds of obstacles have you (or a family memeber who has a disability) faced when trying to become independent? What did you do to overcome them? Also, what obstacles are you currently trying to overcome? Feel free to ask questions to help gain the skills to overcome obstacles towards independence.
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